A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize