It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize