I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
