i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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