You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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