its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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