some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
