so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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