The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
