This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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