Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
