You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If that was your dad, he is hot
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's shark week go big or go home
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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