Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize