I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
