WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
