he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
