Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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