so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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