I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
