Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
