I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
