Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
