Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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