She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
