I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
