Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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