i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
