I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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