i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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