Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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