They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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