i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
