We named our party play list daddy issues
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize