He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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