i need an iv and a liver transplant
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
