I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
