Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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