Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
