I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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