we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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