From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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