Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
