You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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