Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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