dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
