Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
