I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
