loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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