I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
