So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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