was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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