Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
