Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
