the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
