Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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