she looked like the before picture.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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