Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
