Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
