My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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