don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
