Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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