Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
