Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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