I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think my moral compass just broke
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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