Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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