I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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