In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
