I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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