i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
