So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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